Schema Therapy
Do you keep ending up in the same painful situations — the same kinds of relationships, the same self-criticism, the same feeling of not being enough — no matter how much you understand them? Schema Therapy was developed exactly for these deep, recurring patterns. It goes beyond symptom relief to change the underlying themes that shape how you feel about yourself and relate to others.
It starts with core emotional needs
Every child has core emotional needs. When these needs are consistently met, we grow up feeling secure, worthy, and free to be ourselves. When they are not — through loss, criticism, instability, or simply not being seen — we develop beliefs and coping strategies that once protected us, but later limit us.
- Secure attachment — feeling safe, seen, and emotionally held
- Autonomy and a sense of your own identity
- Freedom to express valid needs and emotions
- Spontaneity, play, and joy
- Realistic limits and self-control
Schemas: the patterns beneath the pattern
Schemas are deep-seated themes about yourself, others, and the world, formed early in life. They act like lenses: they filter how you interpret events and quietly steer your choices — often outside your awareness. Some common schemas include:
Abandonment / Instability
The fear that people you love will leave or be unreliable — often showing up as clinging, jealousy, or pulling away first.
Defectiveness / Shame
The feeling that something is fundamentally wrong with you, and that if people truly knew you, they would not stay.
Emotional Deprivation
The expectation that your emotional needs will not be met — you may stop asking, or feel numb to what you need at all.
Unrelenting Standards
Relentless pressure to perform and achieve, where rest feels like failure and nothing is ever quite good enough.
Self-Sacrifice
Putting everyone else's needs first, until your own disappear — common among those who learned early to care for others.
Subjugation
Suppressing your own needs and opinions to avoid conflict, anger, or rejection.
Modes: the parts of you that take over
In Schema Therapy we also work with "modes" — the moment-to-moment states or parts of you that get activated. You might recognize flipping between them: one moment vulnerable, the next detached, the next harshly self-critical. Mapping your modes is often a huge relief: your reactions start to make sense.
Vulnerable Child
The part of you that feels the pain of unmet needs — lonely, anxious, ashamed, or abandoned. In therapy, this part is finally cared for rather than avoided.
Angry / Impulsive Child
The part that protests when needs are ignored — through anger, impulsivity, or acting out.
Detached Protector
The coping part that numbs, avoids, withdraws, or keeps busy so you don't have to feel. It protected you once — but it also keeps you stuck.
Compliant Surrenderer
The part that gives in, pleases, and adapts to keep the peace, at the cost of your own voice.
Demanding / Punitive Parent
The harsh inner critic that pushes, judges, and shames you — often an internalized voice from early life.
Healthy Adult
The part we strengthen together: compassionate, grounded, and able to meet your needs, set limits, and choose differently.
What does the work look like?
We begin by mapping your schemas and modes together, using questionnaires, conversation, and your own history. Understanding alone is not enough, though — Schema Therapy is an experiential therapy. Through imagery, chair work, and the therapy relationship itself, we work at the emotional level where the patterns actually live.
The goal is to strengthen your Healthy Adult: the part of you that can recognize a schema being triggered, soothe the Vulnerable Child, set limits on the inner critic, and choose responses that actually serve your life now — rather than the life you needed to survive then.
Schema Therapy is especially helpful if you have tried therapy before and felt you understood your problems but couldn't quite change them, or if you notice the same themes repeating across relationships, work, and your inner life.
Curious whether this fits you?
Book a free 15-minute consultation and we can explore it together.